I have only wanted to quit smoking a few times since starting 6 years ago. I watched my grandpa die at an early age of lung cancer and grandma die from emphysema. Somehow those sad and preventable events never influenced my decision to continue with this filthy habit.
After my daughter was born I cut back to about 1-2 smokes a day and was doing all-right until I started drinking again, which as we all know goes together like Facebook and Farmville or Twitter and tweets.
Recently I have been considering how my presence in my daughter’s life is one of the things that motivates everything I do. I also find myself considering mistakes I have made un the past. I often think of that “oh s#!t why did I do that” feeling you get when you realize you could have stopped your bank account from being overdrawn or your engine from burning up from lack of oil. I think of these things and put myself 30 years down the road and imagine sitting in the doctors office…
“We have your results”
Silence on my part.
“We have found a cancerous growth in each one of your lungs”
The “oh s#!t moment” hits my heart like a brick and anxiety floods my veins.
I think “Why the hell did I smoke all of those years? I have to pay for each and every puff, drag and hit I’ve taken from a cigarette.”
I will face numerous cancer treatments and daily fear of being away from my family and dearest baby girl. I will regret every day that I enjoyed a smoke outside on a porch, on a crowded bar patio and in Perkins with Bobby (when you could still smoke in there). Needless to say I don’t look forward to that day.
My dear reader, by now you’re thinking “just quit you numbskull” and I agree with you. However we all know quitting smoking is extremely difficult and often not successful. My motivator is my own life and being present in the lives of my loved ones. It is ensuring that the “oh s#!t” moment never occurs due to smoking my lungs and throat away.
I have a plan thought up, I’m considering how my personality works and how I deal with difficult issues in my life. For that my dear reader, there must be another blog post.
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-edited on PC